Summer Update

Well... that asshole steve broke up with me, I do not think i realized how unhappy i was because he was indeed depressed, which made me depressed. Anyway, he started dating someone the very next day so screw it. I am dating a guy named Shane now, he is really sweet, we have A LOT in common, and he is a very positive person which is going to take some getting used to since Steve was definately NOT a positive person. Anyway, Clara is doing good, talking more and more each day, she can do half her abc's, count to 10 and do 3 nursery rhymes. I start school in 2 weeks so im excited about that. Back to this whole shane thing, i really do like him but i'm holding off on the love thing for as long as i can, i do NOT want to be hurt again. I feel like he is way to good to be true, and if something seems to good to be true, it usually is.

Summer

Well it is actually about summer time here in this hell hole we call South Dakota. It has rained constantly for about the past 2 weeks and it SUCKS. Yesterday was almost 95 which is way to warm for may. So i sat inside with clara for the day in my nice air conditioned room. I felt horrible because my boyfriend Steve, had to work even when they told him he wouldnt have to. He ended up working today too pretty much on 0 sleep. So he is tired, and kind of crabby but still loveable and sweet. Nothing really new is going on with me or clarabug. Oh i guess there is, we have attempted to start potty training and have made a little bit of progress, she has started going on the potty at least once a day yay. About a month ago, Steve took me shooting for the first time, and even though i was scared i shot a few guns and i LOVED it. i have then since gone shooting 2 other times and it is sooo fun. I am trying to live life in the moment as steve does because he seems a hell of a lot happier then i do. I tend to live in the past or try to hard for the future. I am done looking in the past and even though i have high hopes for the future, i am going to try to live in the present and not let things get to me so much. That is all for now.

Update

Hello guys, just a quick update, clara turned 2 on feb 4th and had a great birthday. She can count to 10 now on most days but seems to keep forgetting to add 4. I will be 20 years old in two days so ill officially NOT be a teenager any more haha. I just finished my finals and ended up with B+'s as my final grades in BOTH classes. I have another EEG on friday which i am so not looking forward to at all. I found a different way to administer tylenol and ibuprofan to clara, since she is two now she can have the chewable ones, and she likes those better then the liquid so im not going to complain. But yeah theres an update, ill update you guys more AFTER my EEG on friday.

Update

Well here is an update for you all. Clara is going to be 2 years old in just 9 days!!! I am still doing school, im about 24 credits away from my associates. My sister moved out in July so now its just me, my grandma and clarabug. Clara is talking sooo much now its nuts, she barely says just one word anymore, its all sentences. She is finally getting hair now so i can put her hair in pigtails YAY.. she can count to 7 now and is just doing exceptionally well in everything she does. She has an ear infection right now and OMG it is a huge war with her getting the medicine down. She is definately in the terrible twos now. When i took her to the doctor the other day she through a fit when they wanted to weigh her, she refused to let them listen to her heart and it took, me a nurse and the doctor to hold her down so the doctor could check her ears!...Happy monday everyone

Medical Diagnosis

Ok, so here is wat happened, my doctor wanted to have an EEG done because i asked her about seeing things when i closed my eyes. Ok, so it turns out that those things that i see when i close my eyes are actually my subconcious coming out. They only come out when i have seizures. I actually had a BAD seizure when i had the EEG, i dont remember much, i remember laying there with the bright flashing light, i remember the lady telling me to open and close my eyes, and then i remember vibrating kinda, and then i blacked out. When i woke up, i had 3 people standing over me helping me and my shoulder hurt really bad. I spoke with the doctor that reviewed the video of me and he said that my seizure lasted a good 3-4 minutes and that he wouldnt be surprised if i didnt pull my shoulder out of its socket. I went and saw a neurologist, and apparently i have epilepsy, and have had it since i was 11 (mind u i thought those seeing things was just my imagination so i never mentioned it to anyone), So... ya, im stressing out about it because now i can't drive, and i have a MRI on tuesday which iv never had before, and im scared of it so... ya. Well just thought id update you all, clara is doing very well, she is running now, and is talking more and more every day.

Update for May 20th

Wow, so not a whole lot has been going on. I've just been busy with school work and clarabug. She now says about 32-34 words (last time i checked, could be more now) and is saying at least 4 sentences. She is walking extremely good now and is such a joy to be around. She likes to draw and paint and LOVES animals, although she really likes to pretend cool too so i guess we will see if she is going to be a cool or a vet when she grows up haha. Anywayz, its been pretty hot here lately, it was like 90 degrees on monday and the same yesterday. Luckily i had claras trusty baby swimming pool, which btw she did not like at first, i had to literally get in there with her for her to sit in there and play. Shes becoming kind of whiney lately. Like normally she will go to my grandma when i have to go to the bathroom or something because shes used to being around her, but lately, its a huge fit she throws.. kicking and screaming and throwing her head back... ya its BAD. Shes also developed a liking to hitting, but she doesnt do it when shes mad, just frustrated. I asked her doctor about this and was told that temper tantrums and hitting and what not are a normal part of development at this age and the only thing i can really do is tell her no and try to stear her away from the situation. Shes getting to be SUCH a freaking girly girl..... she is obsessed with her little purses, she carries it around like you or i would, and loves to talk on the phone, although she seems to have figured out which phones are fake and off, so now i have been forced to call up her grandparents or her aunties and letting her talk to them. Which reminds me, Claras Grandmother Shary is having her surgery today to remove whats left of the cancer, so please pray that it all goes well. I am doing pretty good in my classes so far, im actually a sophmore now, so yay go me. I am currently taking basic math and intro to psychology. I have been trying to get into shape but its so hard when i feel so dang tired all the time, its driving me nuts. Sunday marked the 4 month anniversary of Jon's death, and i can honestly tell u, that it wasn't much different then the first month, or the second or the third. I'm still feeling the horrible pain i felt from the beginning and am almost to the point where i am convinced i will have it forever. So ya, thats all i can really think of now, here are some pictures of mine and claras past few escapades.

Some True Feelings.....

Wow, i must say a lot has happened over the past few months. Clara has started walking, she says about 28 words + 3-4 sentences. She is getting more beautiful every day. I am still going to college except starting monday i'm a Sophmore in college!!! So like while all my peers are still graduating, or some of them not even graduating, i'm a sophmore in college haha, anywayz... I'm getting really tired of some things... these things pertaining to lies and fake people. I posted a blog about it before, but apparently, no one listened. In my book, if you say that you are doing to do something, you need to do it, not just "pretend" that you are going to do it. I am sick and tired of being lied to and cheated out of everything i own just because someone wants something from me. Well you know what, NO MORE. I am not gonna take anyone's crap. If you don't wanna be friends with me, fine. But know this. I am a very good and loyal friend, and just because i care and want to help doesn't mean i'm a bad person. And just because i'm young and am an unemployeed COLLEGE STUDENT does NOT make me a bad mother, So you guys can go fuck off if you think that i am. If you are not willing to care about me as much as i care about you (my friends nothing more...) then you do not DESERVE to be my friend. I am finally starting to realize that some people are not worth getting upset over. They are not better then me despite what they may think, they are exactly like me, and the only reason they say hurtful things is because they are hurting deep inside themselves.. infact i pitty them. I feel sorry for them because i know that they will never get the help they need for that issue. Me, i am willing and accepting help like a true mature adult would. So... ya, ok im done venting now, some comments would be greatly appreciated.