Happy New Year!!!

hey guys, just wanted to wish you a happy new year, i'm spending the night at home(of course) stuffing my face with goodies, and spending time with clara... i plan on having her take a semi long nap later today so she can stay up with me... cuz new years eve rocks!. I hope you all are well, and that you enjoy the last day of 2008. I look forward to 2009!(hopefully it will be an even better year then 2008!!!)

Christmas

So christmas was pretty good considering the fact that clara was sick.... she had high fevers off and on the day before but the day of christmas eve it spiked up to 104..... but anyway... before that we went to church, and i could tell clara wasnt feeling the best because she just sat on my lap and cuddled with me... and she NEVER does that. Anyway after we came back from church we waiting for an hour or so for claras father to show up so he could watch her open presents... yeah never happened, so we opened them and she was sooo happy, it was so cute to watch the expressions on her face. Anyway around 1am we took her to the ER cuz i had given her tylenol and motrin and her fever hadnt gone down at all... they checked her over and said that it could be a virus but most likely teething because her fever kept going up and down, up and down instead of staying up. Anyway... christmas day, well we had a pretty uneventful morning, clara wasnt really interested in her presents but she did open them. Around 3pm we went out to jons parents house and my god they got her a shit ton of stuff.... she got 10 outfits, a walker, a steering wheel thingy, and a rocking horse that neighs, and its head moves.... Anyway her grandpa put her to sleep, and we ate... then me and Sherry(jons mom) got to watch jon change his first poopy diaper... without my help this time... poor clara she looks sooo scared and screamed the entire time. But he did it, not a very good job, and it took him forever but he finally managed to change it without my help. I thought it was freaking hilarious... i really should have recorded it. Anyway.... we had Ham, and potatos, for dinner.... oh i forgot to mention, jons parents got me gifts.... i have no idea why, but it was a nice gesture. Anyway, thats pretty much how my christmas went, I found out that tylenol does nothing for claras fevers anymore, and that childrens motrin is the exact same dose as infant motrin.... the only difference is that infant motrin comes with a dropper(which i got from my pharmacy for free hehehe). But yeah ok im done ranting now, ill leave u all be.

Depressed and Venting

Ok this is more of a vent then anything, i am feeling really really depressed right now. I have no friends, and the people i thought were my friends hate me.... yeah im sitting here crying over them, trying to tell myself that they are worth crying over but i can't help it. They were my best friends.... and now they aren't. I know life brings change, but i dont understand how someone can go from being your best friend to someone who completely despises you. It makes me so depressed to think about all the friends i used to have... and how now they are all gone. I seriously just wanna curl up in a little ball and cry my eyes out but clara wont take a nap so i cant do that right now. If you are my friend please post a response to this.

Things That I Am Thankful For.

Ok, so this has been bugging me for a while now so i decided to write a blog about it, so that i may go back to this blog and read it when i am feeling down. I have a problem, i have insane feelings of jealousy towards certain people, mostly people with children like myself..... i know that there is nothing i can do to get rid of this jealousy but i figure that if i make a list of things that i am grateful for, then i can possibly go back and reread all the things im thankful for.... ok so here it goes..
1. I am thankful that i am able to spend so much time with my daughter, that i dont have to work her first few years of life.
2. I am thankful that i dont have to go to a busy college, and that i can stay home with my daughter and take care of her.
3. I am thankful for the fact that my daughter always has food to eat, and water to drink.
4. I am thankful that my daughter has a clean room and a nice big crib to play in.
5. I am thankful that i am able to provide a good christmas for my daughter.
6. I am thankful that i have loving family that will do anything for me(even though i hate them sometimes)
7. I am thankful that my daughter was born well and healthy without any major defects or health problems.
8. I am thankful that I live in a house and have my own bedroom.
9. I am thankful that I have friends that care about me.
10. I am thankful that I am now smart enough to realize that drugs are stupid.
11. I am thankful that I have food and water to sustain myself so that i may take care of my daughter.
12. I am thankful that I still have my baby boy Star(my cat) left.. after the terrible trageties that happened to his mother and sister.
13. I am thankful for my 2 sisters, i hate them sometimes but deep down i love them.
14. I am thankful for my camera, without it i would loose my most precious memories.
15. I am thankful for my own bed, so that i can sleep comfortably and not sleep on a couch.
16. I am thankful for the fact that despite i was born 15wks premature, i still survived.
17. I am thankful for my grandma, that she is well enough to help me out with clara.
18. I am thankful for the fact that my daughter is at, if not above her develpment.
19. I am thankful for the fact that Claras grandparents buy claras diapers... without them i would be soo in debt.lol
20. I am thankful that my daughters first word was mamma, that she knows who i am, and that she prefers me over anyone else.

ok i so could add more but im having a brain spaz so i cant... ill add more later when i have time to think. Thanks for listening.

16 days till christmas

OMG u guys im so excited for claras first christmas!!! She is getting tons of toys, and i have no idea what my sisters bought her, so she will have even more toys. The plan is that we are going to church on christmas evening, and then we are going to have a nice quiet evening at home singing christmas carols and listening to christmas music. Then the next morning is when all the fun will begin, we get to open presents!!! I don't care that i'm not getting anything, i'm more excited for clara, God... I cant wait to see the look on her face when she opens all her presents!!! But yeah anyway just wanted to share my excitement with you all. Going to go cut out christmas cookies right now. Peace!!!

Irritated

Ok, so i told jon that unless he started paying more attention to clara and less attention to me that i could not be with him and he got like really really pissed off, started yelling at me, told me he hated me and all that junk... but on a happier note i started planning claras birthday party :), im going to invite like 30 people, and its gonna be like way fun :) I have booked the party room, i still have yet to buy her presents and order the cake, but i think ill wait a month to do both. But ya just needed to vent to someone,

ps: i get this week off school, then go to school for a wk, then get 2 wks off for christmas vacation!!!