My love

A MOTHERS LOVE

A mothers love is forgiving. It does not hold grudges.
A mothers love is kind, and never judgemental.
A mothers love is ever growing..... there can never be too much.
A mothers love is never gone, it will forever be in the hearts of her children.
A mothers love is hopeful, that the future brings her children happiness.
A mothers love is strong, no one in the entire world can break it.
A mothers love is un-descriptive, there are never words to tell how it is felt.
A mothers love is irriplaceable, it can not be replaced by all the friends in the world.
A mothers love is worthy, of the children that helped create it.
A mothers love is something that all mothers share in common.
A mothers love is something that can never be changed, it remains the same even after a million years.

I love my daughter. I can not explain to anyone my love for her. It is not descriptive. It is the strongest feeling I have ever felt and gets stronger with each passing day. I love my daughter to death. I would do anything for her, ANYTHING. I hate to think of the poor person that tries to harm her.... they will be eternally sorry. I love to look into her eyes and see the happiness and joy that I helped create. I love to hear her "talk" and laugh. I even love to hear her cry, it means she has feelings, it means she is growing more intelligent with each breath she takes. I love knowing that someday I will be able to teach her everything I know and be able to give her the things i hold dear to my heart. I know one day she will look back on this and think it is pretty corny, I think so myself but she will know how much i love her and that is what counts.

My scary dream!!!

Ok so i just had to post this, i had one scary dream last night, it may not seem that scary but i woke up terrified. Ok so like me and my cousin were at our old elementary school that for some reason the playground had turned into a water park. ok so me and clara were playing around in the water and stuff when i had to go to the bathroom, I put clara back into her stroller, having my cousin watch her and went inside the school to go to the bathroom, well when i came back out, my cousin was off playing in the water and clara was gone from her stroller, i asked her where clara was and she had no idea. I started freaking out, where was my baby? would i ever see her again? This was one of those dreams where you feel all the emotions too so i actually felt fear.... anyway.... so i looked and looked and looked but i couldn't find her.... then all the sudden off in the distance i saw some little kids huddled around something that was crawling on the ground, and it was clara, so i ran over there and picked her up and cuddled her, all the while i'm crying my eyes out. I woke up and my heart was racing sooo freaking fast! I am not sure why I had that dream but it totally freaked me out.... just thought i would post it.

just me rambling on.

ok so this is kinda just gonna be my rambling about certain stuff but read on and you may learn something. So today started out good, me and clara woke up and we ate breakfast, played a bit and then we took a short nap... very short actually because my stupid sister and her daughter came over here. So she bitched and moaned about how she was sick and how she needed help with gabby. I wouldn't have a problem with that if gabby wasnt a two year old little terror that actually listened! Well that and the fact that whenever I am sick I am MADE to watch my daughter, i don't get any help because then she(my sister) bitches. Any hoo, SO i got really angry earlier because my nieces had the new kittens wrapped up in blankets so tight i dont even think the poor kittens could breath, so i told them to loosen the blankets or let the kittens go on the ground. Well neither of them would listen, so i told them if they were gonna disobey me they were going in timeout. well they both walked off like i wasnt even there so i grabbed both their arms and put their butts in timeout. Well gabby finished her time out(shes 2 so she gets 2 minutes) but lexi... OMG she just started whining and kicking and screaming the entire time so i told her her time out didnt start until she stopped throwing a fit, well her mom(my other sister) was on the phone and said she could have the kitten and do whatever she wanted to with it AND that she didnt need to be in timeout. Which totally pissed me off, i'm an animal lover and i don't think she should be almost killing those poor little kittens. My sister always complains that her daughter doesn't listen, and she wonders y... i mean hello if you arent gonna make a kid listen they arent gonna listen EVER. Anyway so i went in my room and finally(took for freaking ever) finished my 800 word essay. People say an 800 word essay is easy, trust me its not, you start running out of facts and things to say. After that me and clara played for a bit and i found out something that made her laugh, i blow a rasberry on her tummy and say boo in a high pitched voice... i love her laugh its sooo cute. I love to see her smile, i just love everything about her, i even love it when shes fussing and everything because i know im usually the only one that can calm her down. Which brings me to another subject. I think there is something wrong with me, because i have like this overwhelming fear, like im dealthy afraid of loosing my daughter. I seriously spent half of lastnight holding her in my lap(even though she sleeps with me, i still picked her up in my arms) and just bawled my eyes out. I don't know wtf came over me... i just became overwhelmed with fear and this isn't the first time this has happened. It has happened before. So I am gonna talk to my head doctor about it and see if this is normal or if i can get a pill for it. On a happier note did yall know Walmarts brand(parents choice) makes babyfood? It's like $0.60 cheaper and it has 10% more in it, plus 10% more potassium. So.. yeah for fruits i'm gonna be buying that brand instead of gerber.. that is until i learn to make my own. Well ok i'm done ranting for now.

Almost crawling

So.. yeah clara is almost crawling. She crawled a whole foot the other day but i cant get her to do it again. Now she just keeps rocking back and forth on all fours. Its so cute to watch. She has just started stage two foods and she seems to be doing pretty good with them. I am doing pretty good myself. I manually lowered my dose of celexa down to 10mg and im still on 37.5mg of effexor. I think they were over medicating me. haha. But.. yeah i have been in school for almost an entire month. isnt that crazy? Also.. clara will be 7 months old next week! That is even crazier! But... ill stop boring you all now!!!! Write more later!!!