1 month anniversarys hurt....

Ok so today, was a busy day, but also a very sad day...today is the one month anniversary of Jons death. I have been keeping myself busy all day as to not give myself a chance to break down and cry. Anyway i have spent most of my day on the phone trying to figure out what i would need to get Jons name on the birth certificate. Here is what i found out. I did find a DNA testing facility. They were extremely nice, and the lady i spoke with was extremely understanding of my situation, and let me take my time while i sat there and tryed not to cry(didnt work to well) while i told her the whole story. Anyway, so the fee is $99 up front, and then they are running a sale, so it is going to be about $350 after that initial fee. Anywayz. I went and filled out my forms for the discounted lawyer today, and i have an appointment to meet with someone on thursday. I called around, and apparently AFTER i get the dna sample back with the results(lol even though i already know what they are... i just need them in legal writing), i need to go to the court house and petition(AKA beg on my knees) the court to let me get Jons name on the birth certificate. I finally got ahold of Jons mother, she was pretty upset though, because she had JUST got the death certificate in the mail today... i mean seriously what kind of state sends out the death certificate to arrive on the 1 month anniversary of a sons death... wtf. GOD Wyoming, show some damn compassion. Anyway, she appologized for not calling me back, i told her i completely understood. Anyway, she filled out all the paperwork i needed and send me a copy of the death certificate, so hopefully we can get the ball rolling tomarrow... and pray for me, that everything works out, that Clara will get everything she deserves, and that Jons name WILL get on there without any hassle. Because seriously, Clara, me and Jons parents(especially them) have been through enough.. we dont need to deal with anymore crap... but yeah thats how my day went.. and tomarrow... i have an appointment with Claras bright start nurse, and i have to go pick up claras 1 year pictures. Also i forgot to mention next week is my 19th birthday... which i prolly wont celebrate, because i guess im not important. go me!

Vday sucked!

Ok, so for the most part.. valentines day SUCKED!!!!... i found out that reading makes me sleepy, so i bought a book, well stupid me bought the cheapest book i could find which happened to be a romance book, well i got half way through it and around midnight i got to a love scene, and idk something inside me snapped and i just started bawling! and i couldnt stop... so i didnt go to sleep till like.. idk 5am, then i got up with Clara at about 8:30.. 9ish, and gave her some breakfast, then we went to a rummage sale that they had at the civic center. I got Clara like 6 heavy night time sleepers for 25 cents a piece, so i was happy about that. Well, after that i went to walmart, and i got Clara a vday card, a lace rose, some suckers, and a little stuffed vday dog. Its really cute. Other then that my vday was pretty uneventful, other then the fact that my niece got over excited and like gave my grandma the worst black eye ever by jumping up and clocking her with her head... but yeah, thats how my vday went, i hope your guys was better... happy sunday everyone

Current Ramblings....

Ok so here is basically what has happened since Claras birthday... Most of you know about my frequent/constant/never ending always there, headaches, so i finally got the courage to talk to my doctor about them.. again, so i went back to my doctor and told her about them, she said she thought it might be a sinus infection but that since it had lasted for about a month, that she wanted to a catscan... So today i got my very first cat scan... and i was TERRIFIED... i went online and looked up what the procedure was, and it sounded really scary, especially the dye the inject you with, but apparently, as i found out today, if they are doing a catscan of your upper neck or head they do not use that dye. Anyway, claras 1 year doctor app was today as well, and the doctor said she is doing very well. and that i could try whole milk, also that clara didnt have to be "fully" off the bottle till she was like 15 months! so yeah i dont feel so bad now. Clara also did pretty well with her shots too, only cried for a few seconds, and im pretty sure its because we made her lay down while they gave them to her.... but after we let her sit up again she stopped crying... imagine that.. spoiled little brat.... but i love her, but yeah ok, ill stop rambling now, wish me luck with my cat scan results, which i should have back sometime next week....

Claras First Birthday!!!

Claras first birthday was awesome. I mean it was a little stressful because my little devil nieces decided to destroy the house after we had cleaned it so we had to reclean it, but other then that it was nice, we had a lot of friends and family at the party, and clara got a lot of nice gifts including the following.... a big baby gate, a toy laptop, two furreal friends animals, clothes, a toy bus, soft blocks, lots of books, a big stuffed ladybug, bubbles, a musical aligator, and my favorite... a doll Jons parents had made for her that says "Daddy Loves Clara" in a big red heart on it, i will post pictures of it once i find my camera... and once it starts working again( i ended up having to use Jons parents camera for the party pictures cuz mine died, like with brand new batteries and everything, the flash stopped worthing.) Anyway, yeah so my little girl is now one years old. She is actually getting really good at standing up from a sitting down position without holding onto anything but no walking yet... she said byebye to a few of her guests lastnight, oh and she ate about 90% of her smash cake herself. woo hoo Go Clara. lol

bloggity blog

Sorry i have been MIA for the past week, i have been sort of out of it, with the funeral and all. Ok, so the funeral was tuesday, and i managed to only break down a few times, they had the most beautiful service, and a lot of great people were there, including a lot of really supportive friends and family, which i am very greatful for. They did a slideshow of pictures, and i can still not get over how much clara looks like Jon, like seriously, Clara is like a girl version of Jon, an exact replica. Anyway... i was ok, i bit my lip most of the service, but during the slideshow... the showed a pic of me a Jon, and i lost it, i completely broke down, luckily my cousin was holdin clara at the time and sitting right next to me. Well, i met some of Jons family at the funeral and the next day at his house(i went out there with clara the next day) like seriously the minute i walked in the house, Jons grandma took her, she obviously loves babies lol, well after she had her, Jons aunt Charlotte took her and played with her, then clara got down on their imaculant floor and played for a long time, then Jons dad took her and played with her, I like barely got to hold my baby at all the 6 hours we were out there :(, but that is ok, but they are all really nice people. Ok, so onto some drama.... So i have this list of people i invited to claras bday party... almost all adults... maybe like... 8 kids...(between the ages of 3 months-6yrs) anywayz... ok so one of the ladies i invited emailed me and asked if i invited this certain other person, i responded, with a yes, and asked if that mattered, she told me yes, and that if this person came that she would not come, i told her that it was very childish, that it was claras first birthday party, well.. it took her a few days to respond, and you know what this stupid bitch said to me when she finally did respond... she told me that the only reason i was having this party for clara, was because i was trying to get sympathy and pity for clara... I was like stupid bitch her father just died.... she DESERVES sympathy... needless to say, we are not friends anymore and she is not coming to the party... thank god. But yeah, just had to vent out all my anger to you guys. I have all my stuff for the party minus the cake, chips and pop, oh and the stupid tape. I have all the decorations, and the goodie bags as well as claras clothes and such. So. yeah just thought i would update you all.... Happy first day of February Everybody!!!