Medical Diagnosis

Ok, so here is wat happened, my doctor wanted to have an EEG done because i asked her about seeing things when i closed my eyes. Ok, so it turns out that those things that i see when i close my eyes are actually my subconcious coming out. They only come out when i have seizures. I actually had a BAD seizure when i had the EEG, i dont remember much, i remember laying there with the bright flashing light, i remember the lady telling me to open and close my eyes, and then i remember vibrating kinda, and then i blacked out. When i woke up, i had 3 people standing over me helping me and my shoulder hurt really bad. I spoke with the doctor that reviewed the video of me and he said that my seizure lasted a good 3-4 minutes and that he wouldnt be surprised if i didnt pull my shoulder out of its socket. I went and saw a neurologist, and apparently i have epilepsy, and have had it since i was 11 (mind u i thought those seeing things was just my imagination so i never mentioned it to anyone), So... ya, im stressing out about it because now i can't drive, and i have a MRI on tuesday which iv never had before, and im scared of it so... ya. Well just thought id update you all, clara is doing very well, she is running now, and is talking more and more every day.

Update for May 20th

Wow, so not a whole lot has been going on. I've just been busy with school work and clarabug. She now says about 32-34 words (last time i checked, could be more now) and is saying at least 4 sentences. She is walking extremely good now and is such a joy to be around. She likes to draw and paint and LOVES animals, although she really likes to pretend cool too so i guess we will see if she is going to be a cool or a vet when she grows up haha. Anywayz, its been pretty hot here lately, it was like 90 degrees on monday and the same yesterday. Luckily i had claras trusty baby swimming pool, which btw she did not like at first, i had to literally get in there with her for her to sit in there and play. Shes becoming kind of whiney lately. Like normally she will go to my grandma when i have to go to the bathroom or something because shes used to being around her, but lately, its a huge fit she throws.. kicking and screaming and throwing her head back... ya its BAD. Shes also developed a liking to hitting, but she doesnt do it when shes mad, just frustrated. I asked her doctor about this and was told that temper tantrums and hitting and what not are a normal part of development at this age and the only thing i can really do is tell her no and try to stear her away from the situation. Shes getting to be SUCH a freaking girly girl..... she is obsessed with her little purses, she carries it around like you or i would, and loves to talk on the phone, although she seems to have figured out which phones are fake and off, so now i have been forced to call up her grandparents or her aunties and letting her talk to them. Which reminds me, Claras Grandmother Shary is having her surgery today to remove whats left of the cancer, so please pray that it all goes well. I am doing pretty good in my classes so far, im actually a sophmore now, so yay go me. I am currently taking basic math and intro to psychology. I have been trying to get into shape but its so hard when i feel so dang tired all the time, its driving me nuts. Sunday marked the 4 month anniversary of Jon's death, and i can honestly tell u, that it wasn't much different then the first month, or the second or the third. I'm still feeling the horrible pain i felt from the beginning and am almost to the point where i am convinced i will have it forever. So ya, thats all i can really think of now, here are some pictures of mine and claras past few escapades.

Some True Feelings.....

Wow, i must say a lot has happened over the past few months. Clara has started walking, she says about 28 words + 3-4 sentences. She is getting more beautiful every day. I am still going to college except starting monday i'm a Sophmore in college!!! So like while all my peers are still graduating, or some of them not even graduating, i'm a sophmore in college haha, anywayz... I'm getting really tired of some things... these things pertaining to lies and fake people. I posted a blog about it before, but apparently, no one listened. In my book, if you say that you are doing to do something, you need to do it, not just "pretend" that you are going to do it. I am sick and tired of being lied to and cheated out of everything i own just because someone wants something from me. Well you know what, NO MORE. I am not gonna take anyone's crap. If you don't wanna be friends with me, fine. But know this. I am a very good and loyal friend, and just because i care and want to help doesn't mean i'm a bad person. And just because i'm young and am an unemployeed COLLEGE STUDENT does NOT make me a bad mother, So you guys can go fuck off if you think that i am. If you are not willing to care about me as much as i care about you (my friends nothing more...) then you do not DESERVE to be my friend. I am finally starting to realize that some people are not worth getting upset over. They are not better then me despite what they may think, they are exactly like me, and the only reason they say hurtful things is because they are hurting deep inside themselves.. infact i pitty them. I feel sorry for them because i know that they will never get the help they need for that issue. Me, i am willing and accepting help like a true mature adult would. So... ya, ok im done venting now, some comments would be greatly appreciated.

My birthday... hehehe

ok so i took a quiz on facebook and this is what the quiz came up with for me about me....

FEBRUARY:

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Hospital Visits and updates

Ok, so i guess a lot has happened since Easter... so lets get started. Clara was spitting/throwin up for like a few days strait, well i thought it was the flu, so i just kept giving her pedialyte, but then she started getting constipated so i was like... maybe thats y shes throwing up, well thursday night she started throwing up and like wouldnt stop, she through up about 9 times in 10 minutes, which is a lot for a little girl like her, so we took her into the ER, minute we got there she wanted to play.. go figure huh, but i insisted she be seen. so we waited and waited and finally got seen, they did an xray of claras tummy and she was so full of poop they didnt know what to do, it was like pushing into her stomach... so they gave her an anti nausea pill and sent her home along with a suppository, before she went to the hospital (like this past week), i had tried everything to get her to go poop, i had tried the juice, extra fluids, prunes, raisens, extra fiber, prune juice, thermometer up the butt, pedeling of the legs, and a suppository.. EVERYTHING, well anyway Friday morning we took her to the doctor, she gave her another suppository and gave me a prescription for something to help her go more. So lastnight i went to the Pharmacy only to find out that it was OTC now not prescription and cost $22, i was like ya.. no, so i bought baby enemas.... Well my niece had been prescribed the exact same thing clara was supposed to be prescribed so we gave her some of that and loaded her up on prunes(which she loves btw), so today she really started going, like shes got 4 FULL diapers already so im happy about that. I asked the doctor what could have caused it, and she told me that sometimes it just happens. So today i rearanged my room so that the head of my bed is facing north (supposably its good for circulation and what not) and i went to the store and got Clara some washable finger paints, and these stackable cup things... the stackable cups she fell in love with immediately, the fingerpaints... ya not so much, she kept trying to eat it, but that was around lunch time so i think thats why..... I am doing ok my self, just battling allergies..... which i should probably get a prescription for but ehhh ill wait. Claras grandpa (jons dad) built clara a swing, like a swing set without the slide, its got two swings on it, so im excited to see what it looks like. One surprising thing that happened this week was that my dad called to get my ss number.... i guess he is getting a life insurence plan and naming me and my sisters and the beneficiaries.... which seemed weird to me because in my opinion he hasnt really thought of me at all, so ya.. ok well im done ranting now. Have a good weekend guys!

Happy Easter Everyone + UPDATE

First off let me say Happy Easter Everyone!!! Not much has really been going on around here, just been hanging out with ClaraBug and doing school work. Clara is getting better at walking.. she took about 7 steps tonight without falling, but she only did that once :(... Anyway, I FINALLY got Jons name on the birth certificate and i am way freaking happy about that. I have applied for disability for myself, because my stupid mental illness's seem to be keeping me from having a job. It's extremely stupid, like ill be fine, my pills will work and everything, but the minute i start working its like.. the pills STOP working... I freak out, i feel sick, depressed, and VERY angry.. for no freaking good reason. It's driving me insane. Claras grandmother is doing good, she had her second round of chemo about 2 weeks ago, and is doing good. They checked her before the second round and her tumor had already shrunk 1/6 in size! Which according to her doctor is almost unheard of. She is loosing a bit of hair, but as i put it, "hey at least you dont have to spend hours styling it"... which is what my sisters need to do lol, they spend to much time doing their hair, id rather just do something quick and be done with it. Clara got some really cute dresses from her great grandmother as well as from her grandparents. She also got 2 pairs of shoes but the cute little shiny black ones dont fit... they do length wise, but.. yeah my daughter has fat feet. Clara is offically OFF formula, she is on lactose free whole milk, which according to my grandma tastes the same as regular milk? She is on a sippy cup now, so no more bottle, although i have to say im not to happy about the soft tip sippy cup she gets at naptime and bed time... im working on her taking the hard tip one all the time not just during the day. She is getting a better vocabulary every day, i have a lady come out once a month that plays developmental games with clara and teaches them to me so i can play with her, and she assessed clara and said she is way advanced. SO i'm happy about that. Nothing else really has been going on, so here are a few pics from the "photo shoot" i did the other day of Clara in one of her dresses

WEBSITE!!!

Ok, i am going to make this short and sweet... my grandma's sister paid for this program for me to learn how to make money online(y, i have no idea, she just called and told me she did it and wanted my email address) anyway.. one of the ways to make money is to make a website and sign up for a thing with ads, whenever someone clicks on the ads i get money for it. Only like $0.50 an ad, but still.. that could really add up. So if you could all find it in your hearts to go to my website and click on them that would be greatly appreciated since i cant keep a job and i dont have any other means of income... THANKS in advance to the ones that do click... click on all the ads except the one at the top.. also any feedback on what i could add to the site would be great!


www.theteenagemother.com